On family giving and how to be a good ancestor

My mum has always been very community minded, so growing up that kind of informal giving was very present for us. She worked a lot with cystic fibrosis charities and still does Meals on Wheels every week. So, I was raised with the idea that caring for people in our community and being of service was important. But the real pivot point was when I was in grade 10 and my dad took me to Timor Leste with Opportunity International for a week. Seeing first-hand how other people lived in the world completely changed how I saw the world and the role I could play. 

For me, it feels almost impossible not to give or engage in community in some way. My  core values that include  integrity, humility and justice kind of demand it. I also feel  this sense of obligation. I know people shy away from that word because it doesn't sound like a positive driver, but it's true for me, and it’s probably true for a lot of people who have been raised with wealth and class privilege. And that sense of values driving giving aligns with what I see more broadly in my day-to-day work with other families; the reason most of them come to us is because they want to engage their kids in giving and sharing those values. 

From my own experience it's much easier when it starts earlier. Obviously, it’s never too late but the earlier you can pass those values on the better. As a parent, I am starting to have a real appreciation for what it takes to grow grounded and generous young people. It takes time.

It’s interesting thinking about our drivers to give, because my dad mostly gives from his head, my mum gives from her heart, and my giving is a combination of both. Recently, I’ve been reading about our three different intelligence centres: our head, heart and gut. I think I'm more gut-driven than my parents so maybe that means that between the three of us we’re a well-functioning ecosystem! 

Firstly, I give through my family’s foundation, the English Family Foundation. I'm on the board , so there's the time commitment involved with this too. I also give through a sub-fund with the Inner North Community Foundation, which I set up with my husband when we got married. I’m also lucky to have a day job working in philanthropy, which means I can use my personal experience in family philanthropy to be a better guide for other families that are navigating this weird and wonderful world. That work feels really aligned with my purpose because I’m leveraging my skills to strengthen and grow the sector.

I’ve learned to accept the paradox of how simple and complicated giving is. The idea of giving in alignment with your values is a simple premise, but in a world that doesn't slow down enough to give you the time to work out what your values are, it becomes complicated. And when you add in complex social systems and the wicked, entrenched problems that we’re facing, it becomes even more complicated. So, for me, I’ve learned to accept that those two things can be true at the same time. 

The other lesson has been how much more fun and effective giving is when I connect with friends and colleagues and bounce things around. It’s important to find these spaces to come together and share, which is why groups like NEXUS, the Australian International Development Network and The Funding Network have all been important parts of my giving journey. We know that the intergenerational wealth transfer will bring a huge shift in our society, and we need organisations like these to help people prepare. The Next Gen are the ones who are going to have to deal with whatever decisions are made now, so giving them a seat at the table and listening to what’s important to them is critical. Families need to start having deeper, more robust discussions around their values because our beliefs around giving can differ across generations. 

I've always thought of myself as an inheritor and have focused on how to be a good steward for family resources. But there's an incredible Adam Grant quote that says that too many people spend their lives being dutiful descendants instead of good ancestors. That the responsibility of each generation is not to please their predecessors but improve things for their offspring. So now I’m thinking about the kind of an ancestor I want to be and what I want to pass forward. It’s a good mindset shift. Indigenous cultures talk about ‘seven generations’ – consider the three generations who came before us and the three that will follow - and then making decisions based on that time frame. The decisions are always better. 

Personally, the English Family Foundation won't exist in perpetuity, so I don’t see it as the centrepiece of my giving in the future. I'm conscious of fostering that generosity and care for community in my kid and I want to find both structured and unstructured ways for us to do that. More broadly, I hope that philanthropy becomes more accessible and meaningful for people in Australia. I want us to grow a deeper culture of giving and we really need to harness the opportunities from this wealth transfer with more urgency. Ideally the sector will start adapting faster to meet the needs of different communities with both structured and unstructured philanthropy. If we want to overcome a lot of these wicked issues we're facing, we need to keep our attention on the ultimate goals.